Hypocrite? Or Real

DYou know that in today's society to be an outspoken Christian isn't the popular thing to be. Those people are often viewed as weird or hypocritical. I know that I am not a good example of a Christian often times. I love The Lord, but often the ways of the world get in the way of my walk and I am deterred. I would love to tell you that my life is all rosy and nothing bad ever happens. I would be a liar.

I was raised in church. My daddy made sure that I was taught the bible. Some of my favorite childhood memories are of my Daddy and me sitting up late at night, having deep in depth discussions that should have been far above my understanding. He always had a way of explaining the bible to me so that my childlike mind could comprehend. He is not a patient man, but in this one aspect of life, my father always had the utmost patience- this could've been nothing less than divine intervention as I was not an easy child. 

I was what you would call mischievous. I don't remember ever being a terribly horrid child, but I do remember being, at times..... difficult to deal with. Spoiled? Maybe. Bratty? Absolutely. The perfect specimen of a child? I think not. It's an old wives tale that you will pay for your raising. If that's true, then, y'all need To go ahead and reserve my place in the mental institution. I have 3 kids and based on the reports of my husband's childhood combined with mine? I'm in trouble. I'm on a tangent- so anyway...

Even though I was raised with the understandings and teachings about right and wrong and what God said is acceptable and what is not, I found myself disregarding those teachings as a teenager. I did whatever I wanted to. I lied to my parents, I skipped school, I drank, I partied, I did whatever I wanted to that I could get away with. It wasn't that my parents just let me run wild, I just lied to them. 

Well, the thing about those lies is that eventually, they catch up to you. You are gonna pay for them in one form or another. But I learned that it's not always in the way that you think. 

My sophomore year of high school, I started dating this cute guy from Kossuth, Mark. We found ourselves in love. About a year after we met, I found out that I was pregnant. I was 16 years old. He had just turned 18. What were we going to do?! We are just kids ourselves! Panic sets in when you see those two lines. I remember not being able to breathe. Disbelief. Denial. And finally acceptance. Ohh the things people said! Terrible hurtful things. When you find yourself in that situation, congrats is not a word that you will ever hear. Decisions have to be made. What to do? 

God blessed me at 16. That 18 year old boy? He's still by my side. That baby? She's 12. And she's gorgeous. We have two boys now, too. You see, that decision that we made was to continue to love each other and to learn to love each other more. We married. We struggled. He went to college. I finished high school and went to college.

Now, I just made sound like an easy walk the park right? Not so. During our first two years of marriage, my father was gracious enough to allow us to live in his basement rent free so that we could finish school. We still were responsible for all other expenses, so we had to get jobs. Remember when I said that I was spoiled? Well, I was in for a rude awakening. You see, at 17, you don't walk into your dream job. I worked jobs that were minimum wage for years. Mark, worked in a factory for a while at night and went to school during the day. (He was sleep deprived and he's not a happy person in that state) It was a dark time for a while. We had good times, of course, but the struggle challenges your relationship, your sanity, and most of all it will shake your faith. God was and is with us though and has seen us through. About 3 years after we married, we began to get our lives on track. We found a good church home and began to learn how to worship God together. God is good. 

Now, with 3 children to raise, we are trying to teach them values and morals in a world where there are none. The lines between right and wrong are blurred. It's hard to be a good example to my children. I am not perfect. Ask anyone who knows me. I am forgetful and spastic, crazy and neurotic. I cuss and rant and rave at times. I love with a fierceness, but sometimes have a hard time with forgiveness. How am I supposed to teach my kids to be better than me? 

Only by Gods grace. That is the answer. My middle child, Bralen came to me last night and asked me what my favorite bible verse is. I answered with "Proverbs 3:5-6. Trust in The Lord with all thine heart. Lean not on thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. " I asked him what his favorite verse was in return, totally expecting a common answer like John 3:16. Instead he says" Psalms 56:3-4 When I am afraid I will trust in you. In God, whose word I praise; In God I trust; I will not fear. What can man do to me? "- HCSB

I have to say that after that, tears fell. My babies are clearly learning something. I am proud that my poor example is not hindering their ability to learn about God and his importance in their lives. We do not eat in our home unless the blessing is said. We pray for those who are sick and afflicted. We attend church regularly, but not as much as we should. We are living a Christian life, but is it Christ-like? 

People (myself included) often go through the motions of life and expect that to be enough. Unfortunately, that don't cut it. God needs more from me. I know this. 

I'm ok with being that weird person. I don't want to be the hypocrite though. I am not perfect. Nor will I be. I refuse to attempt to be. But I am going to be better. 

I leave you with this, you never know when someone else is watching. You never know when your actions can influence another. In my case my children. I hope to be a better influence for them. 

KJV

Weathering the Storm

About 30 minutes south of my house in Tupelo, there has been lots of damage from tornadoes. Others in our state and surrounding states aren't as fortunate and lives have been lost. Please pray for peace for those families.

Recovery from a disaster is an emotional process. It's the time following a major adrenaline rush and the aftermath of the terror that you never really think about. We are all watching from our cozy, comfy, couches while others are searching for loved ones. We are watching selfishly upset that our nightly television programs are interrupted and we forget about those who are out there picking up the pieces of their lives.

Thinking back on that day, reminds me of my childhood and my precious grandfather. That man should've been a meteorologist. He loves to read the weather. When he would call and say that the storms were coming, you'd better be in the storm house or else! We had a few close calls, but never any major damage.

I can remember days like that when as a child when my mother would banish us to the basement to wait out the storm. In my childlike mind, I looked forward to those days. They were fun because aunts and uncles would come over and cousins were playmates. The anticipation of the unknown and the mood that the adults had was an adventure in our innocent and ignorant minds. We had a large basement and room to run. As I got older and more aware, I became fascinated with the storms. Instead of listening to my mother and seeking shelter like sane people, I loved to stand outside and watch the storms roll by. It is a beautiful, majestic and terrifying sight. All the power of God, rolling and rumbling, crashing and thrashing across the sky. It seemed to me that it was just another way of God letting us know that He is in control and that as much as we as humans want to control our own lives, ultimately, we are minute specks in the overall picture. Today, amidst the chaos of the storms and loss I am reminded of this. God is in control. He is majestic.

It also makes me nostalgic.I'm thankful for my salvation. The knowledge that if my life ended in the next hour, my story doesn't end. I will meet St Peter at the pearly gates and my name is written in the book of life. I know this. How? You might ask. Simple. I placed my faith and my life in Jesus Christ. I believe that when he hung on that cross so many years ago, that he died for my sins. I have since acknowledged that I am a sinner- no doubts there. And I have confessed those sins. I felt a conviction on my heart and admitted my sins. I asked Jesus into my heart. He resides within me. I am a Christian. I find myself at times unsure of what I'm supposed to be doing with my life, but then, it's days like the one when the tornadoes ravaged a town and I think, it's not about me. My life is to glorify Christ and to spread his love and his mercy and goodness. My life may end tomorrow, but if it does, I hope that you will remember me as a Christian woman.

http://prayfortupelo.com